Halloween Candy

So, what makes the smaller sizes of candy "fun"? Are the full size candy bars considered "serious"?

I mean, I know size matters and all. But, I’ve never had more fun eating a miniature size of my favorite candy bar. I've been completely satisfied, but that was more of a hormonal issue and a topic for a whoooollle nutha kind of post.

I’ll admit, I do enjoy finding new ways to eat chocolate (get your mind out of the gutter Paula Jo). But I would never describe it as “fun”. Maybe I’m eating the wrong kind of candy…

I Don't Care Which Side You're On

This is just funny.

I Would Love to See This Guy's Personal Ad!

Police arrest Mich. man for car wash vacuum sex
Sat Oct 18, 7:56 pm ET

THOMAS TOWNSHIP, Mich. – Police say a Michigan man has been arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash (how does one receive sexual favors from a vacuum? Does the vacuum reeaally have a say so in this scenario?).

The Saginaw News reports the 29-year-old Swan Creek Township man was arrested Thursday in Saginaw County's Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit (I didn’t think the GM-Chrysler merger would affect people so much!).

Police Sgt. Gary Breidinger says a resident called to report suspicious activity at the car wash about 6:45 a.m. An officer approached on foot and caught the man in the act (damn! The economy is really hitting everyone hard. This poor fool can’t even afford to see a hooker anymore! He had to resort to using the .50 cent vacuum at the local Buff’n’Shine. Geez! Talk about polishing your knob…)

The suspect, whose name wasn't immediately released (oh, but you know it will be…), is being held in the Saginaw County Jail.

Along Came Polly

So, by now, all y'all know that my special gift from God was seeing random odd things while I'm driving. This is why I always carry my camera. Always.

Yesterday was one such day. I was on my way to work and I saw a strapping young lad on a motocycle. He had on one of those ridiculous helmets that has a mohawk on it. Seriously, they're just stoopid.

This particular helmet was special, though. It was red...bright candy apple red. With a neon green mohawk. This fool looked like a damn parrot!

I felt so bad for this poor thing. He doesn't have any friends to tell him he looks like a jackass. I hope he finds some soon. Some friends and some saltines.

Rite of Passage

Well...I've reached a milestone in my life. It's time for my very first mammogram. Yay me!

I've been talking to friends who have already had theirs. And, I can say that I am honestly not looking forward to it. Call me crazy, but having someone squish the girls (whose names are 'Real' and 'Spectacular') between two pieces of cold, hard plexiglass does not sound like a good time.

More than that, doesn't the word "mammogram" sound like something that should be delivered with balloons and a song? Think about it..."Mammo - Gram!"

I think that afterwards I'm going to buy myself some flowers and a balloon. You know, I may be on to something. Wouldn't this be a great marketing campaign? I mean, it is Breast Cancer Awareness month. I can just hear the jingle now..."Get your mammies grammied today!!"

On a more serious note...my daughter is at risk for breast cancer. Chances are, someone you know and care about is at risk, too. Support Breast Cancer events in your area - like participating or sponsoring someone in a Susan G. Komen event. Because, after all....Tatas make the world go round.

Flipper's Mafia

EDGEWATER, Fla. - A woman is recovering in Florida after a dolphin hit her when it leaped aboard the boat she was in (see what you get boys and girls for not buying dolphin safe tuna?).

The Coast Guard says witnesses called 911 Thursday after seeing the dolphin jump from the Intracoastal Waterway and hit Barbara Howard of Mansfield, Ohio (why is it that I picture this dolphin wearing a black mask and making ninja-like sounds? What a great movie idea for M. Night Shamalamadingdong!! “ Ninja Dolphins of the Damned!”)

Howard was sitting in an 18-foot boat with her husband, their daughter and their daughter's boyfriend.

The Howards say the dolphin jumped about six feet high (oooooo….Olympic Ninja Dolphins of the Damned!) and landed on the bow (holy shit! It did a pile driver!).

They say it slid in their laps and its thrashing tail knocked them to the deck. Their daughter's boyfriend rolled the dolphin back into the water (soooo...her boyfriend is good with rolling large, slippery things into water. Interesting.).

The husband and wife were treated at a hospital for cuts and bruises and released (Wait. Cuts? Was this a latino dolphin?)

This Picture Made Me Wonder...

I was browing Yahoo!'s most popular news stories and found this picture

I was left to wonder...

(1) Do you think designers sit down and design the most outrageously stupid outfit just to see if they can get people to wear it? Kind of like The Emperor's New Clothes? I understand that sometimes designs aren't meant to wear in public, they're more of a peice of art...but seriously, this is just stupid. It kind of reminds me of a character from the cartoon Real Monsters.

(2) There is no way you could get me to wear a frown over my who-ha. That's just good policy. This model is walking down the runway with a sad coochie. What does this say about her? Has it been a while? Does she smell like tuna? Does she suck in bed? Poor little sad cooter.

I think this is why I should never go to fashion shows. I would see something and have to comment or I would just laugh loud, long and proud. Just give me some faded blue jeans and a comfy top and I'm happy. Oh, and panties with a smile on them. ;-)