How to Spot a Ho-fessional in Scottsdale

Patti made a command decision on Wednesday. We needed to go out dancing. We needed to go on Saturday.

Thank God for command decisions by Patti. After the afternoon I had on Saturday, I needed to work off my throbbing headache with some dancin', likker and my girlfriends.

We went to a club in north Scottsdale. We bellied up to the bar and began to survey all that surrounded us. Not bad. Some nice eye candy, some not so nice eye candy. Maybe even a prospect or two. But whatever, we weren't here for that...we needed to get down with our badselves...STAT!

Apparently, 10:30 is the bewitching hour in north Scottsdale. We were having a great time at the bar drinking and talking when all of a sudden we were surrounded by varying degrees of skank.

Let me paint you a picture...

1 - Black and gray sweater dress that was two sizes too small, and two feet too short. This look was brought together by the grill on her teefs.

2 - Red clingy dress. Super-plunge neckline. With a leopard print bra that was not made for clingy-super-plunge dresses. The leopard print was peeking out all over the place. She looked like Wild Kingdom.

3 - 8 months pregnant. 'Nuff said.

4 - Blond hair with blue hightlights. Lord Jesus...

5 - WTF? Is that a man? In a tube top and choker? (At this point I ordered a shot of tequila)

After a couple of hours (and several drinks) later, we decided the DJ was playing a good amount of booty shakin' music...so we headed to the dance floor to show 'em all how it's done.

They were line dancing. To hip-hop. WHAT THE HELL!?

We worked our way to the center of the dance floor and began to get our groove on. At one point a nice young man (whose mama is so proud of him, I'm sure...) leaned in to ask if Patti and I were lesbians. I'm not really sure why. We weren't dressed like ho-fessionals. And we weren't dancing like ho-fessionals. Maybe he's never seen some in the wild and was just curious so he asked the first set of girls he saw. I prolly should have sent him over to Wild Kingdom. huh. Anyway...always one to come back with a witty retort, I replied, " No, why are you?" I winked and shook it like Shakira to the other end of the dance floor.

If you're ever in Scottsdale, stop by Jilly's on a Saturday night. It's a good time.