Handbasket to Hell Departing from Gate 1

I know I shouldn't laugh at this....but dammit...it's funny!

Buffalo bucks off man, mauls him
Brent WhitingThe Arizona RepublicJan. 1, 2008 08:53 AM

An elderly Cave Creek man has been mauled by a buffalo (I thought only animals with claws could maul things? Wouldn't a buffalo gore or trample? Maybe this was a special breed of buffalo) that he had saddled and was attempting to ride (where would you even buy a saddle big enough to fit a buffalo?), authorities said Tuesday. The 75-year-old victim, who name was not immediately released (I'm sure his family is greatful for this), was airlifted to Scottsdale Healthcare Osborn for treatment of injuries that were not considered life-threatening (someone is going to have to explain to me why he was airlifted to a hospital for non-life threatening injuries. Were the EMT's laughing too hard to render aid?), said John Kraetz, a district chief for Rural/Metro Fire Department. "He saddled up, got bucked off and was mauled," (I've done some stupid stuff on New Year's Eve, but putting a saddle on livestock and trying to ride it was never one of them. Visons of my ex-husband do come to mind, though.) Kraetz said.

The incident occurred about 5 p.m. Monday at a ranch near Spur Cross and Yucca roads, northwest of Cave Creek and School House roads, Kraetz said. The man owns two buffalos that were kept on the property (who did this fool think he was? Wild Bill Hickock?), he said. It was not immediately clear whether the beasts or injured man have any connection to T.C. Thorstenson, a Cave Creek buffalo wrangler. When reached by phone, Thorstenson repeatedly declined to discuss the mauling. (They were a special breed of buffalo! Deadly Ninja Attack Buffalo of the Damned!).

Please don't get me wrong. I'm sorry this man was injured. But I'm just wondering....what prompted the desire to saddle and ride a buffalo? Don't they have a slanted back? Wouldn't you just slide right off like butter on a hot biscuit?

Once, while visiting my family in Montana (I think I was 10 at the time), we went to dinner one evening to a restaurant that happened to be located on a buffalo ranch. My cousin Kim and I were happily skipping along a little trail that was next to a chain link fence that separated us from the buffalo. Let me repeat that...a chain link fence separated us from certain death. Kim and I were just skipping and my cousin pointed at a baby buffalo that had strayed from its momma. Well Momma Buffalo saw this and was none to happy with me or my wayward cousin Kim. She charged the damn fence! I have never run so fast in my life. I was like a cartoon. My legs were a windmill of motion and there was a cloud of dust behind me.

So, kids...the moral of this story is...even though buffalo is the leanest of all red meats, I just don't think you should saddle one and try to ride it. Or point at the baby ones for that matter.