Monday, May 28, 2007

Think they'll barbeque?

Is it just me, or does this kid look like he's holding a paintball gun?

Can you even imagine the interview with CNN?

"So, tell did you kill this 'Hogzilla'?" asks Anderson Cooper.

"Well, me and the fellers were in the woods playing 'Deliverance' when this big 'ol hog just comes outta nowheres. So I shot it with my paintball gun and that damn hog was so overweight it had a heart attack and died right on the spot."

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

There should be a ticket for this

I was waiting at a stop light this morning when a ferrari drove by. Normally I wouldn't care. However, this fool had painted his ferrari to look like Speed Racer's car. You know, like this:

What the hell!? Why in the world would you do this to a Ferrari!? Now, I didn't get upset when I saw a Charger painted like the General Lee or a van gussied up like The Mystery Machine (ZOIKS!)...but to paint a Ferrari like a bad Japanese cartoon.

Well, there should just a ticket for this.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Shamu and the Freeway

I was driving home from the library this weekend when I saw a most peculiar sight. A black Ford F-150 was driving down the freeway, and in the bed of this truck was a bunch of killer whales and one giant swan.

Yes, I realize they were pool toys. But, still! To see a pick-up truck with giant swans and killer whales as cargo? That's just funny.

Deep Fried What!?

Okay, here it is. Proof that I'm not the only one deep frying something that just shouldn't be. And of course, I had to comment...

Wis. festival sells deep-fried testicles
Sun May 13, 2:56 PM ET

Around here, it may be tough to pass up anything deep-fried. (Like butter?)

Wisconsinites have deep-fried cheese curds (okay, that’s weirder than butter), candy bars and Twinkies. They now have deep-fried livestock testicles, too. (Being from MT and all, this is nothing new).

More than 300 people paid $5 for all-you-can-eat goat, lamb and bull testicles Saturday at the ninth annual Testicle Festival (*snork* it rhymes!) at Mama's Place Bar and Grill in Elderon in central Wisconsin.

"Once you get over the mental (aspect) of what you're eating, it's just like eating any other food, and it tastes good," Buster Hoffman said. (Fool, no it don’t!)

Festival founder Nancy Fenske said the festival grew out of her late husband Roger's birthday party 12 years ago. (Was she mad at him? What kind of man wants his birthday to revolve around deep fried balls?) They decided to have "a nut fry" at Mama's Place after bringing back lamb fries from a trip to Montana. (Wait, wait. A ‘Nut Fry’? Lawd, lawd, lawd…)

The event grew every year and now they fry up to 100 pounds of testicles, she said.

"What else can you do in a small town?" Fenske said. (I don’t know, read a book?)

Butch Joubert, 58, likes the parts sandwiched between bread with tartar sauce. (Say it with me, eeewww!) “They're not so different from regular meatballs also served at the festival”, he said. (Fool, yes they are!)

"After a few beers, you can't really tell the difference," Joubert said. (Ahh, the ‘after a few beers’ defense – always a classic)

Sunday, May 13, 2007

The Tire Swing

So many of us are on "auto pilot" when we drive in to work each morning. We take the same route, see the same buildings and for the most part never notice anything new.

I am no different.

However, on my way in to work last week I did notice something new.

It was very early in the morning and the sun was just starting to peak it's head over the horizon. To my right was a home with a huge tree in the front yard. Attached to that tree was a tire swing. Like a scene from a Lifetime movie starring Nancy McKeon or Meredith Baxter-Birney, the sun was shining through this swing giving it a warming glow and evoking memories of a childhood long past. And then I smiled like an idiot all the way to my office. Just seeing that swing had made me...happy.

Now, this tire swing wasn't some sanitized version you can get at your local Toys-R-Us. This was a genuine big 'ol used tractor tire hung to a branch with some rope. And not that wimpy yellow kind either! You know, the kind that has wax on it so you don't hurt your freshly manicured hands? Ahh no, this tire swing had the brown, frayed rope that would leave a burn on your hands that you would never forget!

I have to admit, I was envious of this family. I have always wanted a tire swing. I thought, "The children who live there are soo lucky!" And then I wondered, "Why do we put those up just for kids? Why can't I have one?"

So, I'm making this my solemn vow...where ever life takes me, I promise to always have a tire swing in my front yard. And not just for me to play on, either. But also to evoke childhood memories, give someone something new to notice, and to make people smile.

Of course, being as clutzy as I am, I'm certain to be injured on or by the swing. But that will just add to it's character.