Monday, May 10, 2010

25 Things to Know About Me

I read an article in US Weekly about Molly Ringwald. One of the more interesting parts of the article was a section called "25 Things to Know About Me". And I was inspired...

1. I am always on the hunt for the perfect shade of “Hello Sailor!” red lipstick and toe nail polish.

2. I would love to cook (read: eat) my way through France, Italy, Austria, Germany, Spain, Portugal and Greece.

3. I LOVE buffets.

4. When I was 12 I decided I wanted to be an attorney because I was completely infatuated with Susan Dey's character on L.A. Law.

5. I really do want World Peace.

6. I can fit 23 green grapes in my mouth at one time.

7. I’m a Chino Bandido addict.

8. When I hear a “big” word, I feel compelled to spell it in my head.

9. Some people remind me of animals.

10. If I could have dinner with anyone, it would be my Funny Grandma.

11. Sandra Bullock (read: Gracie Lou and/or Birdie) would play me in the Lifetime movie of my life.

12. My imagination knows no limits.

13. I have never mastered the cartwheel.

14. I don’t like people invading my personal space.

15. The window of my childhood bedroom seemed very high off the ground when you stood outside my house. At least to a five year old it did. Because of this, I would pretend I was Juliet.

16. I think sending someone a card or letter through the mail is a beautiful way to tell them how special they are to you.

17. I believe writing someone a love letter – and sending it – is a dying art.

18. I’ve been learning how to play the banjo for 6 years now. So far, I can rock out a killer version of “Mary Had a Little Lamb”. I'm thinking about touring Europe.

19. I LOVE creating and editing documents – PowerPoint, Excel, Word, Publisher - you name it, I love it!

20. Savannah, Georgia is my home.

21. Motherhood humbles me daily.

22. I’m currently reading three books (Confections of a Master Baker, The Four Agreements, The Shack)

23. I really love to sing. Too bad I’m so tone impaired.

24. I don’t like to go places alone, or where I won’t know anyone.

25. I’m in the process of writing a cookbook and a children’s book series (based on ture stories from a moderately neat-o life).

Monday, January 18, 2010

Holy Cow! Literally!

Tenn. man says cows licked $100 in damage to house
Dec. 7, 2009 09:04 PM Associated Press

ROGERSVILLE, Tenn. - A Tennessee man's homeowners insurance apparently doesn't cover "acts of cow." (I find this surprising. Has his insurance company not seen Twister!? "Julia...we got cows!" or The Wizard of Oz? Farm animals can be very dangerous to homes. Especially when they're being whipped around by wind and/or flying monkeys.)

Jerry Lynn Davis called the Hawkins County Sheriff's office on Thursday, complaining that a neighbor's cows had been licking his house (Really? Seriously? He called the po-po? I'd pay money to have seen that 911 operators face when they got that call. "Hello? Yes, I have an emergency, my neighbors gurnsey is lickin' mah house." How is this an emergency? Wait....I've been to Tennessee, I get it. They should have just called Ron Jeremy. That image just screams "PORN!"). In the process, Davis says the curious bovines did about $100 in damage by ripping off a screen window, cracking the glass and pulling down a gutter. (What the sam hill did this fool have on his house that made it so tasty to bovines? Cows eat grass! OOooooohhhhh....)

The Kingsport Times-News reports that Davis' home is just a couple of feet from a fence enclosing the cows' pasture. They managed to poke their heads through (They, who? The Davis' or the cows? English class would be great. Also, do cows really have a two foot neck span?) to lick the house, though a deputy's report did not indicate what made the house so tasty. (I guess the cows in question invoked the 5th and wouldn't answer the deputy's questions? Now, was this just a couple of rogue cows who heard of licking toads to get high and decided to try it with a house instead? Did the whole herd join in? Or...was this just a publicity stunt by some cows wanting to be one of the California or Chik-Fil-A cows?)

Deputy Chris Funk was able to contact the cows' owner, who said he'd take care of the problem. (Deputy Funk? That sounds like one of the Village People. I wonder if his partner's name is Officer Everhard?)

Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "cow lick", don't it?