Police arrest Mich. man for car wash vacuum sex
Sat Oct 18, 7:56 pm ET
THOMAS TOWNSHIP, Mich. – Police say a Michigan man has been arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash (how does one receive sexual favors from a vacuum? Does the vacuum reeaally have a say so in this scenario?).
The Saginaw News reports the 29-year-old Swan Creek Township man was arrested Thursday in Saginaw County's Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit (I didn’t think the GM-Chrysler merger would affect people so much!).
Police Sgt. Gary Breidinger says a resident called to report suspicious activity at the car wash about 6:45 a.m. An officer approached on foot and caught the man in the act (damn! The economy is really hitting everyone hard. This poor fool can’t even afford to see a hooker anymore! He had to resort to using the .50 cent vacuum at the local Buff’n’Shine. Geez! Talk about polishing your knob…)
The suspect, whose name wasn't immediately released (oh, but you know it will be…), is being held in the Saginaw County Jail.
Showing posts with label vacuum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vacuum. Show all posts
Monday, October 20, 2008
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
A Bad Day to be a Dick
EDINBURGH (AFP) - A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.
Daniel Blackner, or "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf", was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.
The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.
The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.
He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.
"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed AE with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.
"I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived."
My Comments…
“horribly awry” was the best description they could come up with? Seriously?
Was this guy just sitting around one day and thought, “Hey! I’ll perform a vacuum cleaner blow job as entertainment! People will pay money to see that!” I mean, how bored (and twisted) do you need to be to come up with this?
Okay…did y’all catch that a dwarf just said that his embarrassment was short lived?
MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said on Wednesday.
Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict".
The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.
"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."
OOO! OOO! Pick me! Pick me! I know!!
Daniel Blackner, or "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf", was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.
The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.
The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.
He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.
"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed AE with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.
"I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived."
My Comments…
“horribly awry” was the best description they could come up with? Seriously?
Was this guy just sitting around one day and thought, “Hey! I’ll perform a vacuum cleaner blow job as entertainment! People will pay money to see that!” I mean, how bored (and twisted) do you need to be to come up with this?
Okay…did y’all catch that a dwarf just said that his embarrassment was short lived?
MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said on Wednesday.
Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict".
The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.
"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."
OOO! OOO! Pick me! Pick me! I know!!
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