Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, May 10, 2010
25 Things to Know About Me
1. I am always on the hunt for the perfect shade of “Hello Sailor!” red lipstick and toe nail polish.
2. I would love to cook (read: eat) my way through France, Italy, Austria, Germany, Spain, Portugal and Greece.
3. I LOVE buffets.
4. When I was 12 I decided I wanted to be an attorney because I was completely infatuated with Susan Dey's character on L.A. Law.
5. I really do want World Peace.
6. I can fit 23 green grapes in my mouth at one time.
7. I’m a Chino Bandido addict.
8. When I hear a “big” word, I feel compelled to spell it in my head.
9. Some people remind me of animals.
10. If I could have dinner with anyone, it would be my Funny Grandma.
11. Sandra Bullock (read: Gracie Lou and/or Birdie) would play me in the Lifetime movie of my life.
12. My imagination knows no limits.
13. I have never mastered the cartwheel.
14. I don’t like people invading my personal space.
15. The window of my childhood bedroom seemed very high off the ground when you stood outside my house. At least to a five year old it did. Because of this, I would pretend I was Juliet.
16. I think sending someone a card or letter through the mail is a beautiful way to tell them how special they are to you.
17. I believe writing someone a love letter – and sending it – is a dying art.
18. I’ve been learning how to play the banjo for 6 years now. So far, I can rock out a killer version of “Mary Had a Little Lamb”. I'm thinking about touring Europe.
19. I LOVE creating and editing documents – PowerPoint, Excel, Word, Publisher - you name it, I love it!
20. Savannah, Georgia is my home.
21. Motherhood humbles me daily.
22. I’m currently reading three books (Confections of a Master Baker, The Four Agreements, The Shack)
23. I really love to sing. Too bad I’m so tone impaired.
24. I don’t like to go places alone, or where I won’t know anyone.
25. I’m in the process of writing a cookbook and a children’s book series (based on ture stories from a moderately neat-o life).
Monday, January 18, 2010
Holy Cow! Literally!
Dec. 7, 2009 09:04 PM Associated Press
ROGERSVILLE, Tenn. - A Tennessee man's homeowners insurance apparently doesn't cover "acts of cow." (I find this surprising. Has his insurance company not seen Twister!? "Julia...we got cows!" or The Wizard of Oz? Farm animals can be very dangerous to homes. Especially when they're being whipped around by wind and/or flying monkeys.)
Jerry Lynn Davis called the Hawkins County Sheriff's office on Thursday, complaining that a neighbor's cows had been licking his house (Really? Seriously? He called the po-po? I'd pay money to have seen that 911 operators face when they got that call. "Hello? Yes, I have an emergency, my neighbors gurnsey is lickin' mah house." How is this an emergency? Wait....I've been to Tennessee, I get it. They should have just called Ron Jeremy. That image just screams "PORN!"). In the process, Davis says the curious bovines did about $100 in damage by ripping off a screen window, cracking the glass and pulling down a gutter. (What the sam hill did this fool have on his house that made it so tasty to bovines? Cows eat grass! OOooooohhhhh....)
The Kingsport Times-News reports that Davis' home is just a couple of feet from a fence enclosing the cows' pasture. They managed to poke their heads through (They, who? The Davis' or the cows? Seriously...an English class would be great. Also, do cows really have a two foot neck span?) to lick the house, though a deputy's report did not indicate what made the house so tasty. (I guess the cows in question invoked the 5th and wouldn't answer the deputy's questions? Now, was this just a couple of rogue cows who heard of licking toads to get high and decided to try it with a house instead? Did the whole herd join in? Or...was this just a publicity stunt by some cows wanting to be one of the California or Chik-Fil-A cows?)
Deputy Chris Funk was able to contact the cows' owner, who said he'd take care of the problem. (Deputy Funk? That sounds like one of the Village People. I wonder if his partner's name is Officer Everhard?)
Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "cow lick", don't it?
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Whoa.
Other than the fool in TX attempting to steal my butter ball glory, not much has happened in my little life. I do have to say that reading all of the people who responded to stories defending my honor and that of the wayward butter balls, made my heart warm. I was supposed to appear on a local news show, but alas, they had more important things to report. Or they just don't realize the gem of a story they have on butter balls - I mean, it's been years and people are not only still talking about it, but trying to steal the recipe. Oh, well...I guess no one is really interested in reporting the truth. shocking. truly shocking.
There is a new boy in my life. We'll see how things go with that. Jury is still out. It's very possible that I'm just being protective of my heart. Hmmmm....
My friend Dana's dad is battling pancreatic cancer and has entered hospice care. My company had a $5 jeans day to raise money to help with his care. We raised over $300! It was very heartwarming to know I work for a company that recognizes an employee in need and does something about it.
My baby sister and her family came down for Thanksgiving. My 6-year old nephew dubbed the butter we were rubbing on the turkey, "turkey lotion" and the beaters from the whipped cream, "wish cream sticks". They were only here for a day, but we all had the best time. The best part was that they were a surprise for our mom. Seeing her drop to her knees and scoop up my nephew and cover him in kisses was a beautiful thing to see.
I have to say, I am so grateful that I held on to all the holiday crafts my daughter made over the years. My home was covered in turkeys made by tiny hands, turkeys made out of pinecones and feathers and little notes in wobbly handwriting of why she was thankful.
And now, I get to cover my house in snowflakes, fingerpaintings and crafts made by a little girl who knew the wonder and magic of Christmas. I love being surrounded by all the reminders of when my almost-grown-up was a "baby". This is the way to decorate for the holidays!
My holiday plans include baking a silly amount of cookies, going to the boat parade at Tempe Town Lake, taking baby girl to the Nutcraker, winter concert at baby girl's choir, and wishing the world peace.
I'm off now to review Yahoo! and other news sources for some good, slighty off, news stories to comment on.
Peace and good wishes, y'all!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Ahhhh...Fall in Arizona
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Oh No He Di'n't!
I’ve been watchin' the reports about that a man in Texas who won an award at the state fair for his culinary concoction: Deep Fried Butter.
He obviously doesn't know that the original creator of Deep Fried Butter Balls is me. The nerve.
If you'll remember, three years ago, on a dare, I created deep fried butter? And, through a series of goofy events, I ended up on Paula Deen’s show “Paula’s Party” (episode: “Everything is Better with Butter”). You can even find the recipe on the Food Network website!
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/paulas-fried-butter-balls-recipe/index.html
Here’s a link to my blog and how the butter balls came about…
http://poyju.blogspot.com/2007/04/deep-fried-butter-balls.html
What put the bee in my bonnet is Letterman's Top Ten last night was about Deep Fried Butter.
Game on.
That fool in TX should've never messed with a SPQ. I have a tiara and I ain't a-skairt to use it.
Monday, August 31, 2009
This just in...
LONDON (Reuters) – The deaths of no fewer than four people (wouldn’t that make it…four?) after being trampled by cows in the past two months has prompted Britain's main farming union to issue a warning about the dangers of provoking the normally docile animals. (How does one ‘provoke’ a cow, exactly? Do you ask it, “Got Milk?”)
Cows can become aggressive and charge, especially when calves are present and walkers are accompanied by dogs (wait a minute…since when do walking aids need dogs to accompany them? Are they blind?), said the National Farmers Union (NFU).
The union and the Ramblers' Association (I’m going to need clarity here – is this an association for people who like to ‘ramble’ along a path or an association for a car?) both advise that walkers release dogs from their leads when passing through a field of cows.
"The cattle are interested in the dog, not the walker," said Robert Sheasby, Rural Surveyor at the NFU. (ah...I see match.com has branched out)
"As the cattle try to get the dog (like in a game of tag?), there's a high chance they will get the walker too." (Captain Obvious here...who the sam hill goes and walks their dog in a cow pasture!?)
Britain has 7.5 million cows but in the past eight years there have only been 18 deaths involving cattle (wait..”only”? are we disappointed by this number?), including bulls whose dangers are well-known. (read: Pamplona, Spain)
The current spate of attacks by cows (Coming to a theatre near you: Zombie Guernsey’s of the Damned! They only moo once.) began on the Pennine Hills on June 21, when Liz Crowsley, a veterinary surgeon from Warrington, was crushed against a wall and then trampled underfoot while out walking with her two dogs.
On July 15, another attack took place in Derbyshire, when Barry Pilgrim, a 65-year old from the area, was trampled to death by a cow as his wife looked on. (yeah…something tells me this wasn’t an “accident”.)
Three days later, Anita Hinchey, a 63-year-old, was walking her dog near Cardiff when a cow attacked her and trampled her to death. (Holy Crap! There’s a Bovine Mafia taking out octogenarians!)
The fourth fatal attack claimed the life of Harold Lee, a 75-year-old farmer from Burtle in the West Country. He was killed by his own herd, which may have been made nervous by the siren of a passing ambulance. (*snork* did they think it was coming for them so they decided to take out the only witness to their crimes?)
The risk is especially high in the spring when many of the calves are only a month or two old and the mothers are therefore especially protective, the NFU said. (WTF? Are they cross breeding cows with crocodiles?)
"It's to do with spring and autumn calving," said Sheasby.
"In the autumn, cattle will be coming into winter housing but in spring you want them out grazing the grass." (umm….duh?)
Cow-charging incidents received extended coverage when former Home Secretary David Blunkett was attacked by one in June as his guide dog led him across a field in England's Peak District. (What a Gulli-BULL! What a nin-COW-poop!)
Blunkett broke a rib and was heavily bruised but survived. (I bet he never hears the phrase “Beef: It’s what’s for dinner” the same way anymore.)