Flipper's Mafia

EDGEWATER, Fla. - A woman is recovering in Florida after a dolphin hit her when it leaped aboard the boat she was in (see what you get boys and girls for not buying dolphin safe tuna?).

The Coast Guard says witnesses called 911 Thursday after seeing the dolphin jump from the Intracoastal Waterway and hit Barbara Howard of Mansfield, Ohio (why is it that I picture this dolphin wearing a black mask and making ninja-like sounds? What a great movie idea for M. Night Shamalamadingdong!! “ Ninja Dolphins of the Damned!”)

Howard was sitting in an 18-foot boat with her husband, their daughter and their daughter's boyfriend.

The Howards say the dolphin jumped about six feet high (oooooo….Olympic Ninja Dolphins of the Damned!) and landed on the bow (holy shit! It did a pile driver!).

They say it slid in their laps and its thrashing tail knocked them to the deck. Their daughter's boyfriend rolled the dolphin back into the water (soooo...her boyfriend is good with rolling large, slippery things into water. Interesting.).

The husband and wife were treated at a hospital for cuts and bruises and released (Wait. Cuts? Was this a latino dolphin?)

Well Smack my Ass and call me 'Susan'!

We all have our special gifts from God. Some of us can play an instrument, some of us can do math in our heads, some of us can even leap tall buildings in a single bound.

My special gift is being present when wierd, random, totally cooky things happen. It's a part of my charm.

For example, when I was driving home on Friday I heard sirens a-blaring in the distance. That wasn't the wierd random thing that happened, stay with me. All of a sudden two motorcycle officers stop right in the middle of the intersection and start waving traffic to keep on going through the light. Then about twenty more motorcycle officers (sirens a-blaring) come barreling through the intersection. "Hmmm...," I thought, "Something strange must be afoot. Let's sit back and watch the fun."

Then, two big ass tour buses (traveling at 55 mph, I'm sure) fly through the intersection with four more motorcycle officers by thier side. The original officers left and I was on my merry way.

It was like I was watching 'Speed 3: AARP Splinter Cell'. I'm not certain why over twenty officers needed to escort these tour buses. But, in my mind, they were escorting of a terrorist splinter cell of surly seniors visiting Scottsdale from Boca Raton to the local Furr's Cafeteria.

I have also been witness to:

A fellow walking around in a baseball helmet. No equipment, no uniform, no where near a park. He was just wearing the helmet for walkin' around purposes. Bless his heart.

A little old lady on her Little Rascal scooter driving in the bus lane during rush hour traffic. The bus driver behind her was not as amused as I.

A fellow dressed up as a ballerina standing on a street corner holding up a sign for the Halloween store. He was just wavin' as proud as could be in his little tutu. Out of nowhere, three ninjas appeared on the little hill behind him. A car pulled up, the ninjas got in and sped away.

An electric road-side sign that read, "B.J.'s this way -->" I thought to myself, "Well I guess hookers have gone high tech." In actuallity, it was a sign for the Barret-Jackson Car show.

I love that I notice this crap. It makes me giggle.

So, the reason why there is a stoopid amound of officers around guarding tour buses is...

The Gators and the Buckeyes are in town for the BCS bowl game.

All I have to say is this...

Go. Dawgs.